it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
