His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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