but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
