pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize