My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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