We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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