i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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