so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
