there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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