Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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