we made out on top of his cat.
worst night to have a conscience
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
