the condom got lost in my hair
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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