Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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