dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
