I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
