I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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