did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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