It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
