Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think i have herpe
just one?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Shitshow foam night was such a success
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
