I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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