Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
