i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
