I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
