I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
