I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
someone owes me an orgasm
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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