TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
