There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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