I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
