Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
