Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
