If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
