how can u be prego again
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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