Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
