We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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