my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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