She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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