Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
