For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
