you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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