I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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