Pappa wants mamma naked
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
