roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
