there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
