How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
