he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
