my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
