He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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