She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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