i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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