Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
