Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
