covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What a dumb baby whore.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
