i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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