He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
