Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
