Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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