There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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