yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
