:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
