I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize