Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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