she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
