They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
