I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
