you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
